Day 15

12:30pm Fruit for breakfast, with tea, about 100 cals. 

3:00 pm, cereal and first carbs of the day, 250 cals.  Need more soymilk!

A little leftover steak for lunch and some again for dinner.  I ate light most of the day and got to snacking a little more than I should have late at night.  Probably 1200 cals today.  Must keep better track!

Day ? (6/12)

First order of business today was to fall down the stairs and put a lump on my bum.  It made me mad enough that I didn't eat until 12:30, and that was a protein bar.  Ate again at 2:15, sausages.  Shouldn't have eaten that soon but at least it was protein.  I need to keep better track so I don't overdo it!  It's so hard here to keep track!  I had a coconut water as well, which brought me to a total of 360 calories already today.  I will not eat again until dinner which will be very light!  I want to be at or UNDER 1000 cals today.

I need to keep track DAILY!  This is an update for the remainder of the 12th and all of the 13th.  I don't remember all I had on the 12th but I was around 1200.  As for the 13th, I didn't eat until 3:30 (460 cals) and I found that if I eat a moderate amount I can stay full; I didn't eat again until 8pm (500 cals.)  I was at 960 but I snacked too much around 12am and probably put myself at about 1350.  No more eating after 9pm, I really just forgot not to!  I am still feeling a lot less full but I want to do better!

Day 9

Started out with one egg and one piece of turkey sausage because I've gotten too much into the habit of being at least half full.  I've had two cups of green tea and am up to 130 calories.  For lunch I'm going to keep it light and not let myself get so hungry by dinner that I destroy my calorie count.

2:30 p.m.  Had a coconut water to keep me from snacking on everything in the kitchen, added 60 calories to my count but that's better than cookies or chips.

Lunch was some pita chips.  Dinner was some chicken and veggies.  I also had a beer I shouldn't have had and later, some snacks that brought my total for the day to at least 1200.  I need to learn to stop after 9 no matter how hungry I am.  It will keep my totals low!

Update

Days 6, 7, and 8

Early breakfast of fruit and tea.  Need my drink mix to keep me full longer.  Going to the store today to stock up on some better things to keep on hand.  I can see my back ribs if I bend forward.  Getting there but still need to watch what I eat.

Just a quick recap of the last three days.  I haven't been keeping tabs on my calorie count as precisely as I should be but I do know I've been under 1200 each day and I get full easily.  On Sunday I didn't eat until 5 which was good but I ate a lot more than I wanted to between the hours of 5 and 12.  I need to keep closer track of what I am eating but it is hard to do whilst visiting family!  Haven't weighed in lately because I can't find a bloody scale in this place.  Can still see ribs in the back and some hips when I haven't eaten for awhile.  I need to do better this week.

2 Day update

Days 4 and 5

Day 4 we were on the road.  I didn't keep track very well so I have no idea my final calorie count, but I didn't eat much and my stomach felt really flat by the time we got to my parent's for a visit.  Yesterday, day 5, I kept a little better count.  I had fruit and tea for breakfast, one egg for lunch, but a bigger dinner than I ought to have.  But I waited too long before eating dinner and had eaten little carbs all day which I will have to be careful of, because both make me hungrier!  So not sure if I lost weight, but pretty sure I didn't put on any.  Will be more careful from now on.

Day 3

Day 3

2:00 pm.  First meal of greek yogurt with honey, ran me about 200 calories.  Had my tea when I woke, helped me hold out this long but I feel really hungry today.

Short recap because I'm up late and need to get to bed!  I had WAY too many snacks today but managed to only eat 1100 calories anyway.  I need to feed my body what it is craving I think, instead of wasting calories trying to satisfy those cravings.  If I give in to what I crave I won't have such a high calorie count anyway, and at some point I can control those cravings better!

Snack: 100

Sushi: 200

Fish/veggies: 300

Random snacks throughout the day: 300

Total of 1100.

Best regards,

Le Ballerine

 

2 days in

Day 2

Starting off my morning/afternoon with another tall glass of green tea.  I hope it will last me as long as it did yesterday.  My stomach feels flatter but I don't dare weight myself yet.  Getting on the scale and seeing little or no progress after hard work is what always discouraged me in the past.  I'll resist it at the moment.  I feel pretty good now, not weak and not cranky at all.  My mood has, if anything, improved because of the fact I'm actually doing something to lose the weight.

2:15 pm.  Went ahead and ate my first meal of the day.  Greek yogurt with honey.  Decided to ward off the sugar crash today so I could eat less.  About 200 calories again, but more protein and less carbs.  I know I should have done without the honey, but I can't stand the taste unsweetened.  I need to buy some things that are easy for me to eat without needing extra sugar.  Again, I am poorly prepared for this but I am trying to make do at the moment.  Feeling really full after that yogurt.  I am getting used to this a lot quicker than I thought; maybe having the right mindset makes it easier to not want to eat so much.  The fact that I know I won't learn anything by giving in makes me want to keep trying. 

5:10 pm.  I ate some early dinner/late lunch, mainly experimenting how I can get by with more protein and less carbs.  So far I have had no bread or cereal today and I haven't crashed.  I have felt a little hungrier when I do start eating, but I managed to eat around 200 calories (an egg which I added cheese to).  I know I should kick the cheese but as I said, I felt really hungry and seemed to be craving dairy.  I don't want to deprive myself too much so I gave in a little.  It is only the second day, my body is still getting used to the diet.  I think the low carb thing will work as long as I don't have many carbs to begin with.  That was my problem yesterday; I started off with carbs so as soon as they burned off my sugar crashed.  Today, I ate little carbs in my breakfast of greek yogurt and honey so now my body isn't demanding it so badly.  I think protein can work if I do it right.  When I do eat I'm going to try to eat more protein than carbs.

Late dinner tonight, I managed alright with ground turkey in spaghetti sauce (no pasta).  But I did give in and have a carb, small piece of 9 grain toast.  It didn't make my sugar crash, but I do find that the more I eat the more I want to eat, so holding out for as long as possible is definitely important.  I had an estimated 400 calories at dinner, bringing me up to 800, which I added around 250 to with an after workout snack.  I feel like I should skipped that, a lot of it is getting into the habit of not eating and accepting having an empty stomach.  Today was ok, tomorrow can be better.  Green tea helped me a lot.

Quick recap of day 2:

1050 cals.

Not weak or cranky because of less carbs.

Tea helped.

Here's to day three!

Best regards,

La Ballerine

"Special K Protein Meal Bar, Strawberry, 1.59 oz, 8/Box"Day 1

2:00 pm and I have managed not to eat anything yet.  It helps that I slept until noon but normally I would have had about 200 calories so far.  I made a glass of iced tea mix, the kind in the little packets.  They're 5 calories and helps keep me full.  It definitely helped not eating right away when I woke up.  I felt really hungry at first but I fought through it and now my stomach has begun to shrink enough that the tea is making me feel full.  I'm looking at all of the food in the fridge differently now.  Now I recognize how careful I really have to be if I want to lose weight.  No more arbitrarily eating.  I have to choose everything I eat very, very carefully.

3:20 pm.  I had to eat because I felt my sugar getting low (hypoglycemia).  I can already tell this isn't going to be easy.  I got weak and shaky so I had to eat even though I felt like I should be holding off for longer.  How do these people do this for days on end?  Anyway, at least I restricted some.  I had a bowl of Special K with no milk, which ran me about 200 calories.  I'm going to follow a rule that I should have no more calories (in the hundreds) by the time of day it is.  Example, by 3 o'clock I shouldn't have had more than 300 calories, by ten pm I can have 1000 racked up for the day, but I'm going to aim to stop all eating by 9 pm.  Eating made me hungrier than I was before, and it's taking longer to feel like I'm not weak because I ate so little.  I can tell weakness is going to be a side-effect that I will have to be clever to overcome.  Eating my carbs first thing is definitely a good strategy.  My body will eventually adjust and start burning my fat stores instead of waiting for me to feed it more.  It has gotten lazy.  Hopefully it won't take too long to realize I'm done feeding it all the bloody time.

Bedtime.  Dinner presented the first challenge.  I realized I am in no way prepared for this and need to stock up on some go-to foods that are good for weight loss.  I had another bad sugar crash before dinner; this one brought me close to passing out.  I grabbed a handful of the nearest sugar which happened to be gummy bears and wound up eating my way through about 120 calories of them.  So I racked my calorie count up to 320 before dinner, which was about 500 by my guess.  Another problem.  When eating something cooked by someone else, it is very hard to estimate how many calories you're getting.  I guessed high, I had steak and some vegetables.  I also had a glass of red wine which I know I need to be cutting back on if I want to do this properly.  I discovered why lately alcohol has been having little effect on me.  On an empty stomach, one glass of wine had me buzzed.  I am in no way a heavy drinker but I do like to have the occasional drink with my guy and his or my family.  It's good to know that what little wine or liquor I allow myself will act like more than just water since apparently the food that constantly fills my stomach negates it altogether. 

I had a protein shake before my night walk because I could yet again feel shakes coming on and since I knew I would have to give in to some food either way, I did it before I became close to fainting again.  It tagged on an extra 220 calories but it made me fuller instantly.  My stomach has already begun to shrink some.

So, at the end of day one, here are some highlights:
My calorie count, rounded up, totaled 1120.  120 over my goal but better than I had expected for the first day.
I need to stock the fridge with some healthy, low calorie alternatives instead of having to eat gummy bears for a sugar crash.
I feel a little more tired than normal but I caught my second wind after dinner as usual.
I am slightly more irritable, but I'm not sure if that can be marked up to the diet.
Let's see if I can do better tomorrow.
Best regards,
La Ballerine

Slenderization Diaries

Thin.  Skinny.  Svelt.  All compliments so many women long to hear, and so many women struggle and put themselves through torture so they can hear it.  So many don't want to be just a healthy weight but exceptionally skinny.  Size zero, catwalk skinny.  Emaciated even.  The size zero trend has begun to take over women in first world countries all over.  Women want to see bones rather than curves.  The desire to be as skinny or skinnier than the other women is so strong that women are willing to risk their health to win the label.  Now I want to see exactly what women put themselves through to achieve their size zero goal.

I am going to use the methods of restriction and exercise to attempt to lose weight in the manner many models, actresses, dancers and other performers do in order to be super-skinny.  I will do so until I reach my target weight, recording each step of the way.  What I am doing is easily defined as crash dieting.  I am attempting to go from consuming 1400-1800 calories per day to 1000 or less.  I want to understand how well this works and what it entails.  I am doing this on my own without any monitoring other than my own.  Because of this, I will be careful not to be so extreme that I make myself ill.  I will be sure to take a supplement so I can continue to function properly while restricting my diet.  I am about to cut out half of the foods I normally eat, and about half the portions of what's left.  I will likely have to learn not to be full because I will not make much progress if I am full after every meal.

A quick background: I am a 22 year old student studying dance, English and journalism.  I am currently a healthy 115 pounds but am packing some extra weight around my midsection and hips.  I have been struggling to get to my ideal weight of 105 pounds since I was seventeen and began to put on weight after puberty.  I would say I put on weight moderately easy if I don't watch my diet closely.  I was always on the skinny side as a child, until soon after I started my period and I couldn't eat whatever I wanted without gaining anything.  It has been hard to find a balance with food because I always have had a healthy appetite and I love to eat.  As a dancer, I could stand to lose a few pounds.  I am not comfortable in a swimsuit.  I am by no means fat, just not as skinny as I want to be.  Pure and simple.  I don't want to lose weight for anyone but myself.  I want to feel better about my body and for me, that means 10 pounds thinner.  I want to stand out as the slim girl, not average.  That is just who I am.  I am a happier person when I weigh less.

I in no way want to be unhealthy, emaciated, or anorexic.  I simply want to see what it is like to use this method to lose the last 10 pounds I've been trying to shake for years.  I want to understand what women put themselves through to reach size zero, and whether or not it is effective or worth the work.  I am aiming for size zero because when I weighed 105 I wore a size zero  Mostly, I want to know the long term effects of what I am about to do, and whether it will be a life-changing experience or simply another fad diet that gets me closer to my target weight.  At the beginning of this experiment, I can tell you that in no way do I enjoy starving myself.  I love food and it is difficult for me to short myself of the foods I enjoy so much.  I will not purge myself as a part of this experiment, as I have no desire to become bullimic.  I do understand that the so-called crash diet can lead to anorexic tendencies and I am aware of this as a potential side-effect. I am doing this as a method journalist and do not recommend or encourage others to follow my lead. 

I would also like I mention I do have a significant other.  I will undoubtedly mention him in this diary so I can understand the effects on others around me.  If at any time this becomes unhealthy for our relationship, I am going to stop immediately.

And by the way, starting weight/measurements:

115lbs (52.27 kilos, 8.21 stone)

Bust: 36"

Under bust: 32"

Waist: 27"

Hips: 32"

Best regards,

La Ballerine